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We ended up back at my house for a glass of wine, and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, so we slept together. I really like this guy and I’m worried that sleeping with him means it’s over, that this relationship will go nowhere. —BG, Chicago, Illinois The gay woman’s perspective: Jody Fischer Is there a chance that the two of you can work?
In your past relationships, could you tell if things were “going to work” after one date?
Dear 4-Way, I recently went out with a man I met online.
We met for a drink first, and we hit it off, so we decided to extend our date and go to dinner too.
I think that you two working out depends on several things: 1) The personality and actions of the guy. My point here is that if you want to continue to get to know this guy, you have to change some of your thinking.The next night, I saw that he had logged back onto the dating website.”Ugh! In fact, guys are so hard-wired to avoid genetic oblivion through unwittingly rearing other men’s offspring, they’re biologically protected against it: Dopamine, a biochemical men must have in order to fall in love, drops if a woman has sex before he’s become really attached.(The evolutionary psychology argument continues that we women, who always know the baby is our genetic slam-dunk, don’t have to worry about men’s clear and present sexual availability; it’s meaningless to whether or not we cast our own genes, aka children.)In other words, most of men’s double standard isn’t even conscious. But in studies of these things, it turns out that how quickly a woman has sex with a guy is the single biggest predictor of whether she’ll cheat later on. Yet there is something Denise can say to Mike to ratchet things down.If you want to continue, make it clear to him that you’re interested in seeing him more and in sharing more than physical intimacy and you have a fighting chance.The gay man’s perspective: Darren Maddox BG, since there’s a little lag time between the time we receive a question and the time we answer it, I’ll bet this one has already worked itself out.